Under pressure!
My burrito was a hamster. Annnnd then it wasn't.
I don't know what's going to pop out today, and frankly, NOT GIVIN A FUCK!
Why? i dunno, maybe it's because people want to talk to me all the fucking time when I need to be writing so that way, I can go about my day as if nothing'swrong, but I know there's something wrong, because like it or not, I've got a family that cares about me.
And yet, they drive me crazy wanting to talk to me JUST as I'm about to sit down I tell em what's been working for me, and they dirupt that by going, FUCK THAT BOOSHIT! YOU DOING THIS NOW!
and it's very frustrating for me, that one place I have control, is slowluy becoming the one place where I don't.
I need this sense of control because it gives me some sort of power over my life, some sort of chice I can make on my own without having to feel pressurized, stop doing that, stop doing this, fuck all of you.
I'm going to do my thing, because that's what's worked for me and I know it's working for me because that's the way, uh huh, uh huh, I like it.
Uh huh.
Uh huh.
Sorry, this isn't this norm of trhings. I'm just trying to sort this whole thing out and I know htere are steps to take and what not, but at the same time, LET ME FUCKING WORK ON WHAT I NEED TO FUCKI NG WORK ON SO THAT WAY I FEEL SOME SORT OF NORMALCY.
See the reason I never tell her about anything that's been working for me is because she'll always find a way of fucking that shit iup.
No matter what.
find a woman that I like?
She'll be against it.
Tell her about a thing I've been doing?
she'll suddenly want me to stop doing that thing and do this thing instead.
It's the most frustrating fucking thing in the world, and to be honest, I'm kind of done with it.
If I'm going to post a shirtless video, by god damn it, that's what the fuck I'm going to do.
It's not a matter of needing to be creepy or anything like that, it's a matter of simply being myself.
Why should i have to put a shirt on? Is it because I have a belly and the only guys that are allowed ot post shirtless vids are the ones with washboard abs?
Seriously?
What the fuck kind of bullshit is that!?
It seems like the harder I try to get myself back on track, and the more I tell her about the efforts, the harder she;'ll try to readjust those efforts to fuck that progress up.
And i'm wondering why I even bother telling her anything at all, I share because I care and i want to.
Stay off social media?
No.
Fucking.
Way.
i'm not going to limit my presence just because of a thing that happened.
Why the fuck should I?
If employers read this or potential employers, and they're like, "i called you in here today to talk about this particular tweet." I'll be like, "Well, I ain't deleting it, and I'mma post whatevers on my mind. The only reasons you should be making me aware of something I wrote, remember writing, and posting, fully aware that I wrote it, is if that thing is potentially racists, it invites harm on another person or if it simply is entertaining to you, then I'll be like (in the first two cases) "Okay, thank you for letting me know about that, I'll make some kind of statement regarding it and the apology will be noted."
In the case of the last one, I'll be "cool, thank you for the kind words, is there anything else I can do for you this day?"
and that's genersally my attitude towards people when and if they have a problem with my stuff. Which, since no one really says anything, is practically a moot point. My thoughts are my thoughts, how they come out, why they come out, and whatever form they take, that's on me. I don't plan these things out, I don't sit down and think "WHAT SHALL I WRITE ABOUT TODAY!? HERE ARE POINTS!" no, I sit down, drink some dmaned ocffee, and let the darts fly where they will.
the fact that in the past i've had to defend my ability to write whatever has come yto mind in the past is fucking unbelievable, but hey, there was a period of time where it was brought to my attention, and some people were for it, while others were against it.
There was this one woman, Christina Z. Awesome woman, think she might've been flirting with me at one point, I should've gone for her, she was absolutely stunning. I think she'
s married at this point with a few kids, good for her! Awesome :D!
Anyways, back when I was still going to VVC and writing... I think either Le Bestia Senza, or Custodi Della Realta, one of those two I think, Christina would always tell me she liked when people wrote stories about her, or that included her in them. So I wrote her into the series as two characters, Tina Door and Chrissy Chasm, the two avatars of the Door of Existence and the Chasm of Nonexistence, there wasn't anything sexual about the characters, they just did what they did and went about their days, I think there was a short story I wrote called "Chains" or Links, or somethng like that, I've almost ocmpletely forgotten at this point.
But Christina for a time, brought me Pumpkin Spice rolls, because I really loved them, and she made the best ones. I was still going through a thing at the time. And there was this one guy or gal that asked if we were boyfriend and girlfriend, and my immediate reply was "If she wants me to be, I'm down." Casual, as if there were some magic solution that me just going with the flow was really the best thing in the world.
I never acted on the feelings. Maybe I should've, she was pretty awesome. but I thin kduring college I was crushing on every cute woman without a clear direction as to why I was doing that. I miss her, but time's passed, and i'm sure she's forgotten about me and moved forward. Probably for the best, maybe. I dunno what brought that up, maybe i'm just trying ot find a through point, or have some kind of idea where this post is going? i can never really tell what's going to be written down, and I like that.
Sometimes a stories just a story, and there's no point to it, and everyone kind of expects there to be a point to everything. What if the point was just to share an experience, a time in my life where I felt really great, a high point among all the weird shit I had going on in VVC? there was a lot oging on there, most of it stemming from my lack of understanding of the way things worked at the Social Level of adult life.
I've learned, I think some valuable lessons, what they are/were, how they're applied, maybe I've talked about before, maybe I haven't, I just don't like repeating myself when it comes to certain things, and maybe that's why I don't revisit some of the headier topics for a while. I usually forget about things after a while, it just fades into the background, maybe the experience will come up in a idfferent form, or a part of the story, and maybe it'll just remain an unspoken memory...
It's hard to say why a thing's a thing...
sometimes, it just is what it is without any real weight to it. A momentary distraction fromthe darkness we can sometimes drag ourself down to see, though, I have to ask the following in that case:
1. What are you distracting yourself from?
2. What's the focus on?
3. Is it related to the thing you're mentally running from?
4. Is it a repeating topic?
I tend to think that the more a person repeats a word, or situation, the more important and relevant a driving force that word or topic is in the persons daily life. though that could be just the tiny hamster sporting the stache and sombrero talking in the corner with the cabbage gun, making a tiny adorable face.
Can gerbils be racist?
I don't think so.
I don't believe that naimals can be racist, unless the behaviors are explicitly taught to them by their owners/master/friends with collars... I fdunno. Maybe it's a thing, I'm talking about this because the thought of that one comedian who taught his girlfriends dog to seig heil anytime he said that thing he said?
It's a mystery, but regardless of intent, I fully believed that he should've had something smacked down on him to set in stone that yeah, comedy is fine, as long as there's a punchline to it, but at the same time, you've gfot to have a boundary in there somewhere, a line you don't cross.
It's kind of the reason I give ricky berwick so much shit, because he's a mixed bag when it ocmes ot his content. there are moments where he's genuine, and then there are moments where's he's just fucknuts insane and I don't know how to properly react without something being said.
the best examples I can think of is the ass cookie video, followed later by the more recent review of some headphones, and followed by him punching his phone and attempting to shit on it... Look, disability and mental faculties aside, which I guess figure into why... he does what he does...
ricky does have talent, he knows his audience is a bunch of twitchy teens that think this kind of thing is adorable and full of memes, and that's fine and dandy, but at somepoint, he's going to start to lose that grasp he has, it's not so much a complaint as me speaking from experience. you deviate from what people know is true for them of you, and they'll lose interest. does that mean you should adjust you're expectactions of this guy or girls content because they're getting older, and therefore they're going to change up their style?
Yes, totally expect that.
I'm guessing that Ricky in in his mid 20's at this point? So, he's still going the shock jock route, it's a phase everyone goes through, I went through it, and it's amazing, you get to feel out who you are as a person, and it's the best feeling in the world.
I lost the thread here, something about time, experience, memory versus reality of who that person is, that whole thing... I'll edit this later.
I don't know what's going to pop out today, and frankly, NOT GIVIN A FUCK!
Why? i dunno, maybe it's because people want to talk to me all the fucking time when I need to be writing so that way, I can go about my day as if nothing'swrong, but I know there's something wrong, because like it or not, I've got a family that cares about me.
And yet, they drive me crazy wanting to talk to me JUST as I'm about to sit down I tell em what's been working for me, and they dirupt that by going, FUCK THAT BOOSHIT! YOU DOING THIS NOW!
and it's very frustrating for me, that one place I have control, is slowluy becoming the one place where I don't.
I need this sense of control because it gives me some sort of power over my life, some sort of chice I can make on my own without having to feel pressurized, stop doing that, stop doing this, fuck all of you.
I'm going to do my thing, because that's what's worked for me and I know it's working for me because that's the way, uh huh, uh huh, I like it.
Uh huh.
Uh huh.
Sorry, this isn't this norm of trhings. I'm just trying to sort this whole thing out and I know htere are steps to take and what not, but at the same time, LET ME FUCKING WORK ON WHAT I NEED TO FUCKI NG WORK ON SO THAT WAY I FEEL SOME SORT OF NORMALCY.
See the reason I never tell her about anything that's been working for me is because she'll always find a way of fucking that shit iup.
No matter what.
find a woman that I like?
She'll be against it.
Tell her about a thing I've been doing?
she'll suddenly want me to stop doing that thing and do this thing instead.
It's the most frustrating fucking thing in the world, and to be honest, I'm kind of done with it.
If I'm going to post a shirtless video, by god damn it, that's what the fuck I'm going to do.
It's not a matter of needing to be creepy or anything like that, it's a matter of simply being myself.
Why should i have to put a shirt on? Is it because I have a belly and the only guys that are allowed ot post shirtless vids are the ones with washboard abs?
Seriously?
What the fuck kind of bullshit is that!?
It seems like the harder I try to get myself back on track, and the more I tell her about the efforts, the harder she;'ll try to readjust those efforts to fuck that progress up.
And i'm wondering why I even bother telling her anything at all, I share because I care and i want to.
Stay off social media?
No.
Fucking.
Way.
i'm not going to limit my presence just because of a thing that happened.
Why the fuck should I?
If employers read this or potential employers, and they're like, "i called you in here today to talk about this particular tweet." I'll be like, "Well, I ain't deleting it, and I'mma post whatevers on my mind. The only reasons you should be making me aware of something I wrote, remember writing, and posting, fully aware that I wrote it, is if that thing is potentially racists, it invites harm on another person or if it simply is entertaining to you, then I'll be like (in the first two cases) "Okay, thank you for letting me know about that, I'll make some kind of statement regarding it and the apology will be noted."
In the case of the last one, I'll be "cool, thank you for the kind words, is there anything else I can do for you this day?"
and that's genersally my attitude towards people when and if they have a problem with my stuff. Which, since no one really says anything, is practically a moot point. My thoughts are my thoughts, how they come out, why they come out, and whatever form they take, that's on me. I don't plan these things out, I don't sit down and think "WHAT SHALL I WRITE ABOUT TODAY!? HERE ARE POINTS!" no, I sit down, drink some dmaned ocffee, and let the darts fly where they will.
the fact that in the past i've had to defend my ability to write whatever has come yto mind in the past is fucking unbelievable, but hey, there was a period of time where it was brought to my attention, and some people were for it, while others were against it.
There was this one woman, Christina Z. Awesome woman, think she might've been flirting with me at one point, I should've gone for her, she was absolutely stunning. I think she'
s married at this point with a few kids, good for her! Awesome :D!
Anyways, back when I was still going to VVC and writing... I think either Le Bestia Senza, or Custodi Della Realta, one of those two I think, Christina would always tell me she liked when people wrote stories about her, or that included her in them. So I wrote her into the series as two characters, Tina Door and Chrissy Chasm, the two avatars of the Door of Existence and the Chasm of Nonexistence, there wasn't anything sexual about the characters, they just did what they did and went about their days, I think there was a short story I wrote called "Chains" or Links, or somethng like that, I've almost ocmpletely forgotten at this point.
But Christina for a time, brought me Pumpkin Spice rolls, because I really loved them, and she made the best ones. I was still going through a thing at the time. And there was this one guy or gal that asked if we were boyfriend and girlfriend, and my immediate reply was "If she wants me to be, I'm down." Casual, as if there were some magic solution that me just going with the flow was really the best thing in the world.
I never acted on the feelings. Maybe I should've, she was pretty awesome. but I thin kduring college I was crushing on every cute woman without a clear direction as to why I was doing that. I miss her, but time's passed, and i'm sure she's forgotten about me and moved forward. Probably for the best, maybe. I dunno what brought that up, maybe i'm just trying ot find a through point, or have some kind of idea where this post is going? i can never really tell what's going to be written down, and I like that.
Sometimes a stories just a story, and there's no point to it, and everyone kind of expects there to be a point to everything. What if the point was just to share an experience, a time in my life where I felt really great, a high point among all the weird shit I had going on in VVC? there was a lot oging on there, most of it stemming from my lack of understanding of the way things worked at the Social Level of adult life.
I've learned, I think some valuable lessons, what they are/were, how they're applied, maybe I've talked about before, maybe I haven't, I just don't like repeating myself when it comes to certain things, and maybe that's why I don't revisit some of the headier topics for a while. I usually forget about things after a while, it just fades into the background, maybe the experience will come up in a idfferent form, or a part of the story, and maybe it'll just remain an unspoken memory...
It's hard to say why a thing's a thing...
sometimes, it just is what it is without any real weight to it. A momentary distraction fromthe darkness we can sometimes drag ourself down to see, though, I have to ask the following in that case:
1. What are you distracting yourself from?
2. What's the focus on?
3. Is it related to the thing you're mentally running from?
4. Is it a repeating topic?
I tend to think that the more a person repeats a word, or situation, the more important and relevant a driving force that word or topic is in the persons daily life. though that could be just the tiny hamster sporting the stache and sombrero talking in the corner with the cabbage gun, making a tiny adorable face.
Can gerbils be racist?
I don't think so.
I don't believe that naimals can be racist, unless the behaviors are explicitly taught to them by their owners/master/friends with collars... I fdunno. Maybe it's a thing, I'm talking about this because the thought of that one comedian who taught his girlfriends dog to seig heil anytime he said that thing he said?
It's a mystery, but regardless of intent, I fully believed that he should've had something smacked down on him to set in stone that yeah, comedy is fine, as long as there's a punchline to it, but at the same time, you've gfot to have a boundary in there somewhere, a line you don't cross.
It's kind of the reason I give ricky berwick so much shit, because he's a mixed bag when it ocmes ot his content. there are moments where he's genuine, and then there are moments where's he's just fucknuts insane and I don't know how to properly react without something being said.
the best examples I can think of is the ass cookie video, followed later by the more recent review of some headphones, and followed by him punching his phone and attempting to shit on it... Look, disability and mental faculties aside, which I guess figure into why... he does what he does...
ricky does have talent, he knows his audience is a bunch of twitchy teens that think this kind of thing is adorable and full of memes, and that's fine and dandy, but at somepoint, he's going to start to lose that grasp he has, it's not so much a complaint as me speaking from experience. you deviate from what people know is true for them of you, and they'll lose interest. does that mean you should adjust you're expectactions of this guy or girls content because they're getting older, and therefore they're going to change up their style?
Yes, totally expect that.
I'm guessing that Ricky in in his mid 20's at this point? So, he's still going the shock jock route, it's a phase everyone goes through, I went through it, and it's amazing, you get to feel out who you are as a person, and it's the best feeling in the world.
I lost the thread here, something about time, experience, memory versus reality of who that person is, that whole thing... I'll edit this later.
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